Takes me back to the good old Nannie Stowe days!


Greatest Time

I had the greatest time last night at the party! We all laughed so much! We played a fun game, the White Elephant Christmas game, and another game involving a gift, and 10 seconds to unwrap the gift rolled tightly in saran wrap. It was like hot potato with the gift. Haha! Made us laugh!

I had number 22, an excellent number for our group totaling about 24. Mine was almost the last number, giving me excellent options to choose from of all the gifts. I had my eyes on a handmade afghan with bright happy colors like our home, which included a sign to hang on the wall, the perfect gift for me! I had to steal it, and luckily, it was dead afterwards, so nobody could steal it from me! Haha! It is a fun game, especially with many people! I played it first when I was 20, dating my first husband, with his family. It was so much fun!

Funny, my thoughts were of my Nannie Stowe when I first saw the afghan. She was my paternal grandmother, one of my favorite people as a young child until age 11. She died in 2012, at 94 or 95 years old. She made such beautiful quilts and afghans by hand! I used to have two of her quilts she made, but my dogs messed them up years ago. I used them in their crates when it was so cold at times. When I was showing Barry my gift, the first thing he said, “It reminds me of my granny when I was little, and she made all kinds of stuff like that.” Also, regarding the sign about family, I voiced to him after reading the sign out loud to him this morning, “even if it is just me and you.” He laughed and said he thought the very same thing when he read it last night. I told you, we are one.

I did not drive us though. I had a beer, so I was scared to drive. I’m a light weight with alcohol! Our husbands chauffeured us to and from, while they had dinner at Amici, then hung out at our house for a while. I can drive, it’s just that I didn’t want to drive. I am thankful for a husband who takes such delicate care of me by way of protection. I am thankful my friend has the same kind of husband, Barry’s good friend. I have several friends who have wonderful husbands like me, and I am thankful for them too, for taking such good care of my friends. I would have called us a cab otherwise. It is nice to have options.


Today, I woke up with unsettled feelings, as you already know here. Of course my dreams were that of being stranded, destitute, being left by Barry, homeless, all my animals stranded, me not thinking of me, just keeping them safe, like I did my brother as kids. I am proud that I have been able to stay in front of all the bullshit today. I have had a happy day. One thing I kept hearing in my mind was Barry’s answer as to why he loves me, back in 2012, when I was contemplating divorcing him. I wanted simple terms. He told me he loved me because I was an overall good person in all areas of my life. He has really helped me to see my worth when I have felt so damn worthless. People never knew! I was pretty, intelligent. I hid it well. I was ashamed of all the dysfunction. I wanted disconnected from it. It has to be dealt with though. Conflicts missed in development must be resolved in order to move forward. I am glad I didn’t divorce Barry. He always chose me first! It was me who didn’t choose him, or anyone. I went to bed for three years, nearly. I realize now, my uncle who raped me being in my household was not such a good idea in my Popow’s dying days 2005 -2006. Barry urged me not to allow it, for my own sake, but I bought I could handle it. Clearly, I could not. Barry has always been my greatest most encouraging fan! Supporting me all the way!