My Popow’s Handkerchief

Today was only the second time I have used my dead Popow’s favorite handkerchief, I think, maybe the third. My brother’s funeral 2/19/14 was the first. I can’t talk about why I needed it, but I can say this. I have felt like my complete insides have been ripped out of me since losing my brother, and I am skeletal. It has been a constant hurt and betrayal somewhere since then, and most of my life, and it hurts so deeply. 

Today, I was triggered to several unhealed inner child parts during such an already sad day. I have recently started working with a life coach. I am always striving to live a better day than the day before with a fuller life, and I saw her on Facebook, so I reached out to her. I am trying so hard to forgive so many people, and she has helped me so much already to put things in to perspective so that I can do that. Her writings are SO familiar. One thing she advised me to do for healing is to try and write from those unhealed inner child parts when I’m triggered. I have done that a lot since 1990, although I did not realize it was from unhealed inner child parts until recently, through psychology, applying it to me from personal experience, through her, but I did it today, and wow! It is a powerful thing to do! Healing is the place where forgiveness can begin. 

My unhealed inner child parts surfaced today with a vengeance it felt like. I am thankful to be educated and experienced enough to process and release it all, however, I am still human, and it drains the life out of me at times. To all of you who have people who are loyal to you, who love and protect you, please know, you are so lucky. I feel so unloved. I have for much of my life. The adult in me knows I am loved and worthy, but so many unhealed inner child parts tell me I’m unlovable and unworthy. The people in this cruel world continue to remind me that it is true. 

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