Proud of Us!

In talking to one of my friends about my daughter recently, I felt like a million bucks! My daughter is a Registered Nurse in the ICU at Scottish Rite, her dream since fourth grade! She requires a challenge, and she thrives in it! If I never do anything else in my life, that was enough for me, to get her to the next level of life! That was my most important job since I found out about her in May 1992, three months pregnant! To think of us the day we came home from the hospital, November 8, 1992, to now, what a feeling! I am so proud of myself! The trapped and broken little girl in me can now hear me say, I am proud of us! The adult woman I am, and that precious little girl I was! The one who fought so hard to be here was that little girl, and then, the mom in me became my identity, and motivator. She made me a better person.

When I went in labor, I had to be driven to the hospital, age 17, no car, having to have help to pay our bills, very poor. We were kids ourselves! It sucked! My daughter was on special formula that we could not even afford! Her paternal grandparents filled in where we couldn’t provide. She was three months old before I even purchased my own vehicle, with paternal grandmother signing with me for approval. I never missed a payment, and never late! I was so thankful for her doing that! My father gave me a car for my 16th birthday. A lady hit me from behind, and totaled it when I was 16, and he never replaced it, even though insurance paid him the replacement money for it. He bought my sister and brother five plus cars each. All of us got one at 16! That’s how he showed us love, with money, only in his home though. He never thought I was his daughter, I’m sure that’s how he reconciled it all in his head with me. That is another story. Actually, the first chapter of my book that I have been writing since 1990, A Permanent Scar.

There was a time my daughter had to eat grated carrots, because we had no food. She just quivered as she ate them, but she was hungry. All I had to feed her then was fresh carrots puréed in the blender. It absolutely sucked! I got busy right away, making our lives better, but it was so hard at one time! I raised her by these words, and the example of pursuing my own goals. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it! I also told her the rewards will be fruitful, showing her in action.

I share again with you today the motto that hung in our home all of her adolescent years. It still hangs there today. She read this daily, and she saw me doing it daily. I am so thankful to still be here! I am thankful that even though I had an abortion in October 1991, with her dad, four months later, while taking birth control pills, never ever planning to have children!, I was pregnant once again. I was so scared! I was so sad to think about another abortion! I wrote letters to God back then regarding my decision, and going forward with the abortion the first time. I was wide awake too! Felt it, and heard it! It was awful! The worst part, the reality of the action I was taking, playing God, kind of. I tried contemplating giving her up for adoption, but there was no way I could have parted with her! Nobody would have protected and provided her with the tools and guidance like me, as her mother. I am thankful for second chances, and forgiveness!

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