I am passionate, fierce, respectful, organized, sincere, loyal, intelligent, Barry’s wife, and a proud mom.
I have spent my entire adult life trying to understand who I am, and why. Through psychology, I have been able to do that.
We were severely abused and neglected as children. Our father was extremely abusive to us with words, his fists, or any object in his path of destruction. He would rage for hours. We were all abused by him, but more so, me and my brother, as my sister moved out at 15.
I am disconnected from most of my biological family, by choice. I respect me. I learned to do that over years of hard work!
I was raped by my maternal uncle at age 14.
My brother ended his life on February 10, 2014, as a result of the long-term effects of what we saw growing up. I could only describe it briefly as a war zone. I am diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). My brother was severely C-PTSD. Our father ordered him out of the house at gunpoint at age 17, a junior in high school. He never hugged him, he thought hugs were weak. I bet he hugs his stepsons to impress his wife. He hangs a picture of him and my brother on his refrigerator, pure guilt. He sucked as a father to all of us, but my brother endured it the most because he lived with our father during the most critical points of his developmental years.
Love is an action, not words.
I am a realist.
I love animals! I am a supporter of the Amercian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, The Humane Society of the United States, and an advocate for the Pit Bull breed. I would spend millions helping children and animals.
I am passionate about writing. It helps to write when I am overwhelmed by emotions, but I like to write. I love learning new things that are of interest to me.
I am consumed by guilt since my brother died, and my C-PTSD has been front and center in my life since his death. Many things have come back to my mind that I totally forgot about that happened to us abusively. I am thankful that I am almost finished with my bachelor’s degree in psychology. My focus has been in human development, behaviors, and what motivates behavior. Understanding who my brother was through psychology, and who I am. I push on for my brother. He will always be remembered and so will his abuse, so long as I am here.
I am married to my best friend. We have been together 14 years this year, 2017. He has taught me so much about love, physical touch, how to receive physical touch in a positive way, and how to receive love. So many people tried to rip us apart. I always told them, they will lose him before I will, and so they did. He is completely disconnected from his entire biological family, including his children. His ex-wife alienated his children from him when he divorced her. He tried to have a relationship with them as adults, but the damage was done, and a controlling daughter in law and her family continued the damage.
I have one child who makes me so proud! She graduates with her bachelor of science degree in nursing on August 27, 2017, her second college degree. She has no children, never been married, and has such a well rounded and stable life. That is because I did my job as her mom. I broke the cycle with her, and myself. What a wonderful feeling!