out loud


Barry’s Child

Look at this sweet baby! She loves her family and life. It shows how loved and safe she feels. She loves being on the patio with us! I love this cat house I found online. This one is way too big for the area we would want it for, but I would love to make this one on a smaller scale! 

This is Barry’s child here. Hahaha! ❤️

Favorite Place

Enjoying the nightly breeze on our patio tonight with my bestest buddy after a long work day today. This is our favorite place! Feels like we are in a bistro in Italy with the lights Barry hung recently. I’ve never been to Italy, only in pictures and movies. Haha. I could have gone, but chose not to go. It feels wonderful outside!

It has been a productive week! 


What an accomplished feeling! Today, I paid my daughter’s last paycheck to her, before she begins work next week earning her first nursing paycheck. Several months ago, so much of her nursing school required so much of her time in order to do well in the program. It got down to the point that she could not work, and do well in school, or participate in necessary things to complete the program. I have paid her $640 every two weeks the last few months to allow her to still earn her net pay from her job, pre nursing pay, without actually working. 
I like to think I would have gotten myself and my daughter to where we are today without my husband, but I am so thankful for his love and support in our family since 2003. He is precious to me, and provides for, and protects us like no other. I am thankful I was able to do this for my daughter, spending my earnings on getting her to the next level, rather than having to rely on my one income single. I don’t know that I could have made that happen without my husband. 
One more car payment, and my financial job as a mom is over! It feels so good to know I got her to the next level of life, the duty of a parent. Of course, I will always spoil her, give her Christmas presents, even after she has her own children, and it goes without saying in an emergency. My daughter has always had a safe place to fall, and that is home. Home is where your parents are. Home is where her Momma is! 🙂

Follow Up

I had an afternoon doctor’s appointment yesterday. Just a follow up regarding specialty appointments, and medication discussion. My gastroenterologist recommended Amitriptaline back a few months ago to treat my severe gastritis. This medicine blocks the nerves between the stomach and the brain, preventing my brain, which thinks nonstop even when I am sleeping, from causing my stomach to stay so irritated, because of the acids constantly being stirred up from my thoughts. We increased this medication today. I am hopeful. It is similar to the Stellate Ganglion Block (SGB) in the way it works. I will take that for now, in hopes that one day I gain access to the SGB. 
I also took a new antibiotic recently called Xifaxin, prescribed by my gastroenterologist. The price with insurance $437! Without, nearly $1600! This new drug is absorbed through your digestive tract, cleaning out all the bad bacteria, leaving all the good. This drug helped me SO much! Not to be gross, but I have not had a solid poop in over three years, due to stress. I finally have solid poop! Also, I found out a month ago that I had an anal fissure from the constant diarrhea from being constantly attacked maliciously, dealing with so much being done to me by others. I bled lots of blood daily for a year. I just knew I was dying! My doctor treated me recently with an ointment for four weeks, I had to treat it actually. He told me if it was not healed within 30 days, he was doing surgery due to so much blood loss, for so long. I had second degree hemorrhoids too as a result. It was brutal! As he put it, “Ohhh!, you have a lot of activity going on there!” I prayed this ointment would heal my fissure, and the other to prevent surgery. I have known others who had the surgery, and it is brutal! Guess what? No more fissure, and no more hemorrhoids. No more blood either. 
I was blind sided yesterday with more hurt and deception, which made today feel like December 2015. Otherwise, my body seems to be healing with my brutal stomach issues that began after losing my brother to suicide 2/10/14, then by all the loss that followed. 
I am thankful to all my friends here who prayed for me regarding these issues! 
Also, to all those who prayed for me the other week, for unknown reasons. Thank you who did! Would you believe the Dr. Phil show contacted me that day, offered us round trip tickets all expenses paid, so long as my father participated. I said, oh good luck. He will not participate. The producer said, “You don’t think if I present to your father that you have questions and need closure, and doesn’t he love you enough to give that to you that he would participate?” I said, nope. He doesn’t even love me, so no. He will not participate, and the reason is because all his lies will be revealed. They will with, or without Dr. Phil, but that is why I knew he wouldn’t participate, I told her. I was right too. My father could care less if I died. So, as of now, I don’t know where it leaves us with the Dr. Phil show. I am about ready to close that hope. My hope with him was to make sense of it all, which I have done mostly by finishing my bachelor’s degree in psychology. It would be so nice to have the help from him to help process it all, for me to have closure, to be able to move forward regarding such damaged relationships, such abuse, being the scapegoat of my family, and what it has done to me mentally. I also hoped for access to the SGB through Dr. Phil. I have almost given up on ever meeting him though. 
I would like to say, if you have a daddy, you are so lucky. I never had a daddy. Wouldn’t even know what it felt like. I admire the dads who love their children. I had a father who beat me down to the ground and humiliated me with his fists and words. He abused us horribly, and the least he could do is give me closure. I expected nothing less from a man who hangs a Purple Heart in his home claiming to have earned, he so did not earn! This man put a loaded gun to my brother’s head at age 17, to his temple, and ordered him out the front door. I could not even imagine the thought of doing such to my child! If my father was at all sincere or remorseful in the damage he did to us by his horrific abuse to us as children, and early adulthood, the reason my brother is dead, he would do whatever it took. Instead, he raises teenaged boys who look so much like my brother, his step sons. I bet you this! I bet those boys can sit down at his dinner table peacefully with a ball cap on, without fearing being punched backwards. I don’t know how he sleeps at night! I don’t know how many sleep at night.
We enjoyed a nice early afternoon Hooter’s lunch afterwards!

Awful Neighbors

Last night, very late my neighbors came pulling up with their radio turned up so loudly, it boomed our whole bedroom. Our bedroom is on the side of the house as their house. They know this and they do it for that reason. Daily. They are the worst people! I am thankful! We have it on video! I told you, I am recording at all times. I have to because of you. Every single thing I have, I am fixing to present to their bosses, and to the courts. Jennifer Ellis works at Bard off Lochridge. Jason Ellis works at General Mills, both in Covington. They hate blacks, they sing the N word, so do their kids, and they hate me! They harass me daily, and that is why we have bullies in kids. Their kids watch this behavior. Her brothers are police for my district, so she thinks she can do anything. They even harass me, in their police vehicles. Wesley and Tim Dickerson. I am about to show them they can’t. 

With all the bullying such a topic, let’s talk about adults who bully. My neighbor Erin Bennett. She is a school teacher. She joins in with my neighbor, and Carla Geiger, the court reporter. They all participate. Jennifer stands in my cul de sac calling me a mental case mother fucker because I have C-PTSD, and asks me to come fight her. In front of her 14 year old daughter who had to grab her and hold her back. Believe me, physically, I am not scared of her. She is a coward though. She would shoot me in a heart beat. She purposely tries to trigger me by bullying me with loud noises, name calling, provoking me constantly. In front of her two kids. One of her kids greeted us one day, “Hey niggers!” The other one spit on my niece. Good parenting there folks! 

If we want to lock up parents for their kid’s bullying behavior, charge them also with teaching them to bully. Jennifer Ellis, you better leave me alone unless you want to have massive legal bills! I am tired of you bullying and harassing me! Thank you for yet another video last night! 

Also, she is the one who made up horrible lies to DFACS last year and sent them here. That is a charge in itself, can be.
I can’t even go out front for a walk when they are home, because she bows up to me like a man wanting to fight, trying to provoke me. I would unleash hell on her, but she is not worth a charge! I do nothing to bother them. Absolutely nothing!!! We enforce rules of respect thy neighbor. They believe the rules do not apply to them.